On the verge

A week of no posting; a blessed week of little news.

Of note, we were called last Wednesday morning by Seattle Cancer Care Alliance to bring Zoe in for more bloodletting, er, samples. Apparently they needed 15 more cc's worth to complete the typing process. 15cc's is a large amount for a baby of Zoe's size, but apparently not a prohibitive amount.

I am getting to be a very good advocate for my girl; I know to request the rooms that have the special pediatric chair for the blood taking. My genetically pushy nature is starting to come in handy.

Tomorrow we have some pre-operative appointments with the plastic surgeon and the social worker. Wednesday we meet with the neurology nurse and anesthesia.

Holy Moly, it's almost here.

-------------------------------------

I am starting to be convinced that Zoe must have an understanding that "Mama" is associated with me.

Not that she calls me that, or even deigns to say it during the day--absolutely not when I say it to her--

Mama, I tell her, when she does her dadadadadadadad run-on vocalizations.

She simply pauses and does a big, slow smile.

I'm your Maaaa Maaaa.....

Again, a mischievous big smile. But no such luck in getting her to say it back to me on demand.

But!

There have been four different nights now that, in our sleep deprived haze, when we have tried to get her to "cry it out" through one of the many wakings in the wee-sma's, she finally resorted to a Maaaaaaaa Maaaaaa! of the most pathetic proportions.

Of course, I went to her immediately then.

I must give her positive reinforcement for genius.

-------------------------------------------------

Okay, a topic that's been on my mind---

Let's just say that "How are you?" (and especially "How ARE you???") is off the table. No longer an allowed question.

Suffice it to say that the answer always lies within the range of "shattered, pissy, fucked up, terrified, hanging in there, intentially numbed out, morbidly depressed, sleep deprived, just this side of stark raving mad, etc."

"How are you?" is such a habit of all greetings (myself included), but I never know how to answer it these days. Because, frankly, I don't really want to go into it most times. But then, I don't really want to lie either. At least, not on the breezy greeting side of things (a meal, some wine and some good conversation already, and maybe it's a topic for later).

Accordingly, Jeff and I have decided it's no longer a greeting question that is allowed.

So! We have come up with some alternatives:

• Hi! Great to see you.

• Great to hear your voice

• What are you doing today?

• What's going on?

• Wow, have you lost weight?

• I'm just calling to say I love you.

• I'm just calling to check in.

• I just stopped by to give you a hug.

• I just wanted to connect.

• Hi, can I tell you about the funny thing that happened to me today?

• Can I tell you about this great, uplifting story?

• Are you up for some company?

• Are you up for some mindless chatter?

• I'm calling to see if you want a coffee and a danish.

My friend Mary just offered these two alternatives:

• Can I offer you some Prozac?

• Would you like some of the cabernet I just opened?

I'm sure there are some more brilliant ones out there--feel free to chime in.

I'll have to think of a prize for the best one ;-)

----------------------------

One more thing for tonight---look to the links on the right side of the top of the page: you can now watch Zoe on YouTube.

Love to all.